Special Committee on the Parliamentary Fire (MPSP19)
Overview The Special Committee on the Parliamentary Fire has been created by a unanimous vote in the House to examine the tragic recent fire in greater detail and attempt to uncover what actually happened. Background The following is taken from the formerly classified briefing on the issue provided to Committee members. "Centre Block has been through a lot. After first burning down in 1916 after a staffer carelessly left a cigar in a wastepaper bin, Centre Block has suffered the same fate 102 years later. MPs, temporarily without a home, have been forced to convene across the street in the Sir John A. MacDonald Building for the first time. Repairs and reconstruction efforts are estimated to be in the hundreds of millions of dollars, and knowing this Parliament’s history of managing large projects, it wouldn’t surprise anyone if that number quickly climbed much higher. Many Canadians are upset, hurt, and angry that their representatives could be so careless yet again. This Committee needs to get to the bottom of what happened, and fast. Here are the facts that we know so far. As reported by the National Roast in October, the fire started late at night, but Parliament was far from empty. Many MPs and their staffers were staying behind to (illegally) use Parliamentary resources to kick-start their re-election campaigns. Notable Parliamentarians Hon. Jes Francis, Hon. Daniel Perry, Hon. Bailee Johnson, and several others were among those who were there that night. In addition, Former Governor General Craig Mutter was reported to have been making his nightly snack of a loaf of toasted garlic bread in the Centre Block kitchen before heading home for the night. Initial reports from the RCMP indicate that the fire was fast-burning, meaning that it was started something highly flammable. They have not yet ruled out foul play, and recently released the following list of potential suspects: * The Curks & Taican ambassador: With a grudge to settle after last year’s annexation attempt, the ambassador was in town for a diplomatic conference the night of the fire. Did he try to settle the score? * Any former PM: Man, these people get washed up quickly. Seeing a new government sworn in after their less-than-stellar reign must be tough enough, but a mildly successful one at that? Oh boy. Jealousy is a powerful motivator. * Rt-Hon. Craig Mutter: This one is less sinister. With witnesses reporting the smell distinct of garlic in the air after the fire subsided, did Mutter accidentally toast more than just his garlic bread? * Most importantly, it could have been started by anyone you want: This honestly isn’t about getting things right. The fire needs a scapegoat, pure and simple. So long as the Canadian public thinks it was caused by an unnamed, faceless MP, practically everyone is on trial. Canadians need someone to blame, and they better get a good story." Issues Facing the Committee Some important things to consider: * Who? Who did it? * What? What started the fire? * How? How did it go down? * Why? What was the motive? (or lack of one) Outcomes In its study, the Committee heard from a number of witnesses: * Rt Hon. Craig Mutter, who claimed innocence and an alibi, but admitted that the smell may have come from the large stashes of garlic bread that he had hidden throughout the Parliament buildings. * Slick Mercer, who corroborated the former GG's alibi. * Yianni Boosalis, the Sergeant at Arms and the chief investigator on this case. Sgt. Boosalis explained that the crime had been solved and a report sent to the Speaker's office. He was surprised to hear that the findings had not yet been made public; and * Tim Weak, Chief of Staff in the Speaker's Office, who revealed that he himself had been involved, and that the conspiracy was far more reaching than may have been initially thought. After hearing the witness testimony, the Committee ultimately submitted the following report, entitled: Parliamentary Fire 2: Electric Bugaloo, to Parliament. "The Committee has concluded that the fire was caused as follows: The Committee therefore offers the following recommendations: "